


Not This, Not That.

by nbstars



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Coming Out, Genderfluid Robbie Rotten, M/M, Nonbinary Robbie Rotten, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Sportacus (LazyTown), and then just went into me crying at my computer out of happiness, this started out as a vent fic with personal elements, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 10:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10462995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbstars/pseuds/nbstars
Summary: A casual conversation at a cafe quickly spirals down as Robbie struggles to tell Sportacus something that won't stop nagging them...Sportacus' solution to the problem is quite a surprise.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This is my first Sportarobbie fanfic I'm so nervous to post it anklsjslfdk...I hope you enjoy it, and if you feel inclined to do so, leave a comment! ( And if you don't, that's alright too  (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ )





	

      They chewed their lip, pale fingers absentmindedly fidgeting with a loose string on the leg of their pants. “ _I’ll have to fix that later,_ ” they silently noted, then refocused on the situation before them. Looking up at eyes beckoning a reply to a question that was missed, they gave a few awkward nods. Their boyfriend’s voice made it through the clouded static of their mind. “I’m glad you think so! Now I’ll be able to tell the mayor he’s good to go with his plan!” He winks and gives them a thumbs-up while they clench the string between fingers, inwardly cursing themselves for nodding without context a few moments prior.  
      The thick-accented voice broke through again. “You know what, Robbie?”  
      “What, Sportadork?”  
      A soft smile was flashed at their nickname for him, shifting weight to his left arm. The elf blushed and twirled the straw around in his drink, cupping his chin in his hand. “Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful that my feelings for you are reciprocated. I love you so very much Robbie; you’re all I ever wanted for a boyfriend and more.”  
      Robbie’s heart caught in their throat upon hearing this. They felt overcome with a mess of emotions, ones that could not formulate properly in their mind. When Sportacus’ slightly chapped lips met their soft own, tears began to sting their eyes. After Robbie did not respond to the kiss, Sportacus pulled back and scanned over them worriedly, searching for a reason why.  
      “Robbie? Are…are you alright?”  
      No response.  
      “…Was it something I said?”  
      The partial fae trembled, the end of their nose feeling a tingling sensation and throat clenched tight, and they felt that they might completely break if they were to so much as open their mouth. “N-no. I mean…yes, I mean…” their voice cracked as the tension exhausted itself, draining through their weary eyes. Tears came like a leaky faucet at first, just small dribbles and drips. But soon they were shaking, a waterfall born from eyes screwed shut. Their body convulsed, they were an earthquake, all the world around them crumbling into a white noise. Robbie wanted to scream, they shouldn’t be crying – _why am I crying?_  
      “Why are you crying? Robbie, what’s going on?” Came the concerned voice of the sports elf.  
      Robbie tries to compose themself for Sportacus. The two had been dating for a few years now, and they’ve had ups and downs. Some nights Robbie’s depression would affect them and Sportacus would once again be there to comfort, other nights with the roles reversed. Every night that started this way would end up with the one in distress managing to make the other smile, spending hours wrapped in each other’s arms, memorizing the scents that calm them time and time again. Tracing fingers over the shape of each other, each dip and curve a pattern engraved in their skin that maps all the trials, the tribulations that each have endured.  
During the conflict, however, it can be extremely difficult to make a connection with the other. Whether due to dissociation or the pounding of their heart in their ears, neither can really focus when distressed. They will fight internally for hours, trying to find themselves through the myriad of emotion that seizes their weakened body.  
      And, at the given moment, this is exactly the state Robbie happens to be in.  
      They fight with themself and their swarm of contradicting feelings. They know what Sportacus had said that upset them so deeply. They know that it is probably nothing that any normal person would be upset over, yet cannot deny the fact that they are still upset over it. They wish they weren’t, but what good does wishing do?  
      Finally, taking a sharp intake, mucous choking their breath, Robbie finally manages to find a voice. “Boy…boyfriend…” Sportacus gently rest his hand upon their shoulder, looking intently at them, urging them to go on through the glint swimming in his oceanic eyes. “I can’t….boyfriend…” They gestured down their lanky figure. “I’m not boyf-friend.”  
      The elf’s eyebrows furrowed in a mix of confusion and concern. “You can’t boyfriend? Of course you can, I love you! I’m not planning to break up with you or anything…”  
      Robbie could sense that his last comment was both a reassurance and a question as to whether they wanted to continue dating. They quickly rested their head on his shoulder, sobbing into the fabric and shaking their head. “N-no. Nothing…like that.” They felt a sigh of relief leave his body, which in turn allowed them to relax a bit more. Taking in a breath themself as their boyfriend massaged soothing circles into their back, they lifted their tear-stained face to meet Sportacus’.  
      “I…really don’t know how to say this. So, I’ll just say it right now. I….I don’t feel comfortable being called your boyfriend. B-but mainly the boy part.”  
      The sports elf raised his eyebrows in slight surprise, yet let Robbie continue to speak, not wanting to cut them off from saying their mind. Once Robbie was able to take in another deep breath, they began again. “I don’t know how to explain this or how I fully feel, because I still don’t know it all. I just...I know I’m not comfortable being called a boy. I try so _hard_ to not conform to gender standards, yet it never seems to work. I know it would be wiser to accept being constantly...misgendered, I guess…but I still don’t like it. Hell, maybe I am just a guy and I can’t accept it, because I can’t be a girl; then I wouldn’t be able to be gay, and that is an important aspect to my life, as you already know. I tried forcing myself to like girls so maybe I’d be able to still be gay and true to my identity, but I just can’t bring myself to it. Plus, I can’t break up with you...it would destroy me…..  
      “I don’t know, I guess I’m just rambling. I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore. I just…” They raised a hand to gelled hair, clutching it and pulling it slightly out of frustration with themself. “I just hate gender; most days I don’t even know how I feel about it. About myself. Some days I wish I were dead, so it would all be easier. But I know I can’t die, not now. You gave me a reason to live, and even if I don’t even know who I am, I might find it with you. Just maybe, I’ll be able to find something that works for me…”  
      Sportacus nodded along, eyebrows furrowing slightly more. Being trans himself, he was well acquainted with being uncomfortable with certain gendered terms. He was just simply taken a bit aback, since Robbie had never shown any discomfort with the term “boyfriend” previously. Sportacus was more than willing to accept Robbie for whoever they were, and was actually quite excited that they had figured out more of their identity. Taking their hands, a soft, understanding smile painted his lips, brows still slightly furrowed. “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel invalid…” He leaned forward and rested his forehead against theirs. “Whether you’re a girl, a guy, both, or neither doesn’t change my feelings. I fell in love with you, and that will never change.”  
      Robbie laughed gently, shoulders lightly bouncing as tears welled in their eyes once more. “I’m so lucky to have someone this caring in my life...I love him so much…” With that thought in mind, they pulled their boyfriend into a tight embrace, sobbing happily into his shoulder. Sportacus hugged them back with equal force, glad Robbie trusted him so much that they felt comfortable speaking out to ensure their own comfort. He truly was proud of them, and for how much they risked by telling him how they felt. No matter how many times they had come out to him, he knew he’d always be there to support and admire the courage it took to speak up.  
      He planted feverish kisses all over their cheeks, their neck, their lips. They sighed happily, tears still upon his face, kissing him back with just as much elation. After a few moments, the two pulled apart, resting in each other’s arms. Left to their own devices, Robbie soon broke the tranquil silence. “So...what do you suggest calling me then? Not boyfriend, not girlfriend…”  
      Sportacus chuckled and shook his head in response, sitting up straighter. “Well, none of those silly names matter now, because I have a much better name...one that has no gender.” Unlike his usual grandeur, he stood up from his stool and kneeled upon the ground and produced a small velvet box. Palms sweaty, he looked up into Robbie’s eyes, glittering like freshly polished silver, containing the same spark when he first asked them out. They had a soothing effect, allowing him to control his nerves that wished to rush the moment.  
      "Robbie, you are the single most beautiful, complex, and perfect person I have ever met, and I want to spend the rest of my days with you…” He opened the box, a shimmering ring inside, not once breaking eye contact with the other. “Will you marry me?”  
      Robbie spent no time hesitating, at once nodding their head fervently. “Yes, a thousand times yes!” Sportacus laughed with teary eyes out of sheer joy, Robbie joining in not long after. Soon the two were bawling together while held tightly in each other’s arms, being just as happy as two fiances could be.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed this fic and its ending surprise. Genderfluid Robbie is literally one of my favourite things ( and obviously trans Sportacus ) and fiance is an amazing alternative to any gendered term amirite. ( So is spouse so we're all good there too. )  
> Feel free to check out my tumblr if you want more Sportarobbie stuff! ( lanyoned.tumblr.com )


End file.
